My Burnout Story #3: The Burnout Started Long Before I Knew It
When people hear that I experienced burnout, they often assume it happened because something went wrong. The truth is, my burnout happened when my dream finally came true.
EDUCATORS' BURN OUT
7/18/20263 min read
I had been a teacher for 27 years, but my dream began much earlier. After graduating from SUNY with a degree in education, I dreamed of establishing a small Christian school in New York City. I prayed for this since I was 13-14years old. Finally the time came. I believed God had placed that dream in my heart, and for years I carried it with me.
Ten years after moving to New York, that dream became a reality.
I want to be clear about one thing: I did not build the school by myself.
There was already a community of families who wanted a Christian school in the middle of this busy city. Board members, parents, church leaders, and many others came together with the same vision. We each played our part, and together we established our school in downtown Manhattan.
The building had previously been a preschool, so the classrooms, children's furniture, and bathrooms were already there. It felt like everything was falling into place.
Our dream had finally become real.
As exciting as it was, opening a new school was incredibly demanding. Every day brought new challenges. There were lesson plans to prepare, parents to meet, students to care for, paperwork to complete, and countless decisions to make. Like many people involved in a new organization, I wore many different hats.
Then something unexpected happened.
My colleague, my partner needed to return to her home country for her personal reasons. She had devoted so much of herself to our school, and she truly needed the break. We expected her to be away for only two weeks.
I remember thinking, I can manage the school on my own for two weeks.
I had no idea those two weeks would turn into more than a month.
Just a few days after she left, she told me that her U.S. visa application had been placed in administrative processing. Suddenly, no one knew when she would be able to return.
While running the school by myself, I also wanted to do everything I could to help her come back.
Every evening after school, I gathered employment records, financial documents, letters, and any paperwork that might support her visa case. It sounds simple when I say, "I copied documents," but it wasn't simple at all. Each day seemed to bring another request, another form, another letter to prepare.
The work never seemed to end.
During that season, I worked nearly sixteen hours a day.
I was the first person to arrive at school every morning and the last one to leave each night. After teaching all day, I cleaned the classrooms, organized the building, answered emails, prepared lessons, completed administrative work, and then stayed even later to prepare more documents for my colleague.
Physically, I was exhausted.
Mentally, I was running on empty.
But I kept telling myself, Just keep going. The school needs you. Your colleague needs you. This is only temporary.
Looking back now, I realize I wasn't listening to what my body and mind were trying to tell me.
I thought being dedicated meant pushing through exhaustion.
I thought asking for help was not an option for me.
I believed that because this school was my dream, I simply had to keep going no matter what.
Then one day, someone walked into the school and said words that changed everything.
"I've been thinking about you. I think you need help. Do you need help? If I were in your position, I would burn out."
For the first time, someone saw what I couldn't see.
I looked at them and quietly answered,
"Yes."
That single word became the beginning of my burnout story.
At the time, I thought burnout had appeared suddenly.
Now I know it had been growing quietly for a long time.
This story takes you back to what happened before I recognized my burnout.
If you'd like to read the moment when someone finally saw what I couldn't, continue with
Read: My Burnout Story #1: The Day Someone Saw What I Couldn't